Day 14: Manic Period

I go through these periods where I feel really alive and I stay up late into the night working on something because it feels crucial and my mind won't rest until I am done, but I am never done, And eventually I just lose energy.

When Jacinta died I stayed up all night for weeks on end writing her life story. I have hundreds of pages that I have not yet been able to make into a proper memoir and it makes sad every time I think about it, but since I want to have it published very badly that I think about it all the time.

Two years ago I got a sizzix die cutter for mother's day and I spent two months cutting butterflies out of anything I could get my hands on.

Another time I got a bunch of hand punches and cut out shapes for weeks. Now they sit, just waiting until I need some awesome confetti. 

Before Christmas I was obsessed with making crochet miniatures out of thread for my mother-in-law's dollhouses. I'm still obsessed with this actually. 

It's not always crafts, many times I am just obsessed with some random person like Harry Houdini, Lizzy Borden, or Dana Plato. 

 Right now it is Tasha Tudor. Isn't she delightful?

This quality is what made me a 

pretty good PhD student . . . sometimes.

I spend these periods of intense productivity worried about the crash, which invariably follows.  It is not that I don't continue to love or do these things, it is that my heart no longer feels like it is going to explode because I love it so much.  It doesn't bring me to tears of sheer joy anymore. I feel blunted and muted and sad. I can't remember where my limitless energy and love went and it feels like I will never find it again.

But today I don't want to mourn.  I know there will be days, maybe months when I will post a square and nothing else, because a square is all could muster.

No mourning, today. I want to celebrate because I really love these fucking squares and I love this project so far. 

Here is today's square - she is bright and funky - just like I want to be.